Her eyes full of tears, her heart full of pain. A pain she has never felt before. She curls into a fetus position on the carpeted floor and cries until her tear ducks are completely dry. “Why me?” is all she can say and think to herself as she replays the best year and 5 months of her life. She was living the dream life she had longed for with someone for so long. Her dream suddenly was interrupted by the words, “I’m sorry. We can’t be together anymore.”
When she arrived home after a long day, the one thing that brought her happiness was her mans smile. The glow and happiness he expressed as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately always seemed to take the stresses of the day away. Today was different. He sat there watching a movie with a distant look on his face. She greeted him with a smile and he forced a grin in return. She sat beside him hoping for his warm embrace in which he didn’t provide. She knew something was wrong. She could see it in his eyes and it began to bother her. They have had their ups and downs but more ups than downs. They were in love, so what he was about to deliver, she was not ready for.
“What I’m doing is not fair to you. I’m sorry. We can’t be together anymore.”, is what he said. Everything he said after that was nothing more than mumbles as far as she could hear. At that very moment, the room grew silent. She began to feel a shortage of breath as the tears begin to stream down her face. Her heart began to feel the most unbearable pain as if someone called her to tell her a loved one has died. As far as she was concerned, she was dying inside. It was like an outer body experience, nothing she had ever come close to feel in her entire life. Their relationship began to flash through her mind as she tried to recollect what she did wrong. She couldn’t come up with anything. All she could see was the laughs, the passion and the bonding they shared between one another and each others families. Then she began to speak, not sure if her words made any sense. The pain grew from her heart to her throat. Speaking was no longer an option. Breathing was almost at that same peak. After his delivery, he stood to his feet and picked her up from where she sat to then try and embrace her. Her legs were so weak and she was in such disbelief that the last thing she wanted was to be held by the man who proclaimed to be in love with her but telling her goodbye at the same time. After allowing her back to where she sat, he left, but not without repeating he was sorry before the door shut.
After the hurricane, she picked herself up from the puddle of tears and put on some clothes. She decided she would still try to do everything she planned to do that day without skipping a beat. After putting on her sneakers, she grabbed her keys and headed out the door for a run. It was either that or to stay in her dark apartment and continue to cry. As she begin to run along side of the road, she couldn’t help but look at every car that passed, wondering and hoping he would be headed back her way to take it all back. After and hour of running and dozens of cars passing by, she realized he doesn’t have any intentions on coming back. She turned back towards her home and began to walk back. Her legs felt like they were going to fold under her. She grew weak and right where she stood, she collapsed to the concrete sidewalk and begin to cry. It took every bit of strength in her to get up and continue to walk. At that moment, she realized where her strength came from. She realized that it wasn’t by her own will that stood her to her feet but the strength of her Lord and Savior. He said that in her lowest time, he would carry her. He did just that.
As soon as she walked into her home and closed the door, she dropped to her hands and knees and prayed to God thanking Him for everything He has done, everything He is doing and everything He will continue to do in her life. He allowed her, for the first time in her life, to fall in love. That is what she decided to take from it all. The only thing she asked is that God get her through this pain called heartache and continue to give her the strength to get by each day. “Lord, you said you would never leave me nor forsake me. I need you now more than ever Lord. I can’t go through this pain alone. I’m giving it all to you Lord. I trust you Lord. In your word, you said what’s for me will be just for me God. I trust in your word Lord for you are my creator. My Lord and savior Jesus Christ and I know your love goes beyond any love any man could ever give.” She cried, cried and cried a little bit more.
The evening came and she was left in a quiet house with nothing to do but stare at the walls. She turned her phone off, prayed a little more, cleaned up a bit and watched a movie until she fell fast asleep.
Someone once said, its okay to be sad and depressed after a broken heart but to not stay in it too long. You have to move on with your life. If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go! At the end of the day, she knew that she still loved him and will continue to love him for a very long while. She even knew that if he asked to come back, she would take him back, but for right now, the reality is, he is gone and to think he was coming back would only keep her in this place of hurt. A ship that sails backwards will never see the sunset.
After the hurricane, she knew the only thing she could do was to pick up the pieces and move on. It will hurt for a very long while, but nonetheless, even during the hurricane, she is still blessed.
“I stayed in the sun too long but even the sun moves on.” -Bilal
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