Ashanti's Debut!!!!

W. Ellington Felton feat. Sy Smith. Tell A Vision.

Ashanti playing the part of Sy Smith and Tobias Felton is playing the part of his father W. Ellington Felton.

Inspirational Song of the Day

This song has gotten me through so much pain and hurt! I know that through everything, God is here with me at all times. When i am too weak to handle the situations on my own, he carries me. There is no love greater than His!

Let Go...Let God

Simply put, let go and let God. There is no situation he can't handle. Just give it all to Him and find rest in Him.

He loves me....

So, yesterday was not a good day for me. I felt like i was mourning the loss of a good friend. In retrospect, i kind of was. I felt like i had lost myself; like i died inside. Well, to avoid the thoughts and pain that i felt, i decided to take my daughter and her friend to the Black Luv Fest in DC. it was my first experience and Lord knows, i needed to feel all the love i could get. it was a decent turn out. I ran into a lot of old friends and even made a new one. Well for that moment. It was definitely a breath of fresh air to talk to someone and not think of my current woes.
The festival was coming to an end and it was time to go. The weather was dropping as the sun began to set. Me and the girls hurried to buy a funnel cake for the road and said goodbye to the festival. I had to take my daughters friend home who lives in Manassas and i figured i could take I66, but today, i wanted to take my time. I was in no hurry to go home and deal with the silent sound of my heart breaking. So the long scenic route was my choice. We got on George Washington Memorial Parkway headed towards 495.
For the first time ever, i noticed there is a place on the side of the road called "Scenic Overlook". I passed it wishing i would have stopped, but to my surprise, another one was coming up. I hurried to pull in and parked my car. I felt so overwhelmed and needed some fresh air. Me and the girls got out of the car and looked as far as the eye could see. It was beautiful...literally breath taking! Something about nature always brings me peace. At that moment, while the girls looked down and noticed the rocks, the river and the camp site, i took a moment to say a silent prayer to God. I needed to find solace in my current situation. Tears begin to stream down my face, but i abruptly wiped them away before the girls could notice.

About 10 minutes later, it was time to go. I gathered the girls and headed towards the car. Before i could reach the car, my thoughts were interrupted by my daughter. "Mommy look! A heart!" I was in a rush to brush it off so that i could get in the car, but something told me to stop and take notice of what she was talking about. I didnt want to be so consumed in my pain, frusturation and saddness that i would ignore her. So i stopped, turned back and looked for what she was speaking of. I look down to where she pointed and there it was; a leaf that had fallen from the new autumn weather that was in the perfect shape of a heart. I knew then that God was speaking to me. He was answering my prayers. My prayer of needing to know He was there and that He loved me and could love me past my pain. I looked up at her and with the precious look of an angel, she smiled. I knew then that God used my child to speak to me. As we took our attention away from this beautiful leaf, we started to walk to the car and no sooner than when we reached the car did a nice wind blow and several more of those perfectly heart shaped leaves blew around us. God was still speaking to me. Surrounding me with his love. That meant more to me than anything. For the first time, i was able to breathe and feel at peace. He loves me and He's not letting me go through this alone!!!! *Singing* "yes Jesus loves me...yes Jesus loves me...yeeeesss Jesus loves me, for the bible tells me so."

Let Go Of Your Past and Live Now

Courtesy of Sheeri Mitchells Journal
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus,”
Philippians 3:12-14

Have you noticed that some people live their lives locked in and weighted down by their past experiences?

For a very long time, I had difficulty sitting in the passenger side of the car, when riding next to large transport trucks or buses. As a child, I had been riding with my mom when a public bus forced its way into the lane our car had been occupying. Wildly honking her horn to get the bus driver’s attention, my mother refused to brake until the friction from the bus’ rubbing up against the car caused small sparks to fly outside my passenger window. When my mother did finally brake to allow the bus to pass, I burst into sobs. So traumatized had I been by the event that well into my thirties, I would still tense up if I found myself in the passenger seat with a large vehicle to my right.

Having survived my oldest brother who died in a plane crash, I grieved his passing then eventually moved on (or so I thought). It would take my husband flying out on his first business trip (my brother had been flying on business when he was killed) for me to realize that I had been harboring a deeply rooted fear of my husband dying in a plane crash. The closer in age my husband got to the age my brother was when he died (35 years old), the more oppressive my fear grew.

I know women and men who have ruined good, healthy relationships because they can’t let go of the pain from their last relationship. Why do human beings do this? Why do we allow past fears and struggles to stunt our present growth and hinder future progress? How do we allow ourselves to become imprisoned by the ghosts of poor choices? Better yet, how do we get free?

Craving that which destroys is a by-product of the Fall. As fallen human beings it is our nature to crave whatever is bad for us and to avoid whatever is good. I recall the first time I drank a cup of wheat grass. The Jamba Juice employee handed me the tiny opaque cup with the warning that if I’d never drunk the stuff before, it would taste a little funny. What an understatement. It tasted like…well…liquid grass. I was tempted to spit it out, but having paid $3.25 for the two-ounce serving, the miser in me took over and gulped it down. An involuntary shiver seized my head, neck, and shoulders as my eyes rolled upwards and the corners of my mouth strained downward in an attempt to reach my knees. “Blech!,” or some other eloquent outburst was about all I could manage. I may have said something along the lines of, “People pay to drink this stuff?” Certainly I thought it. The smoothie barista explained to me that mine was the typical reaction of the uninitiated and (in my case) the unhealthy. It seems that I was suffering from a perverted palate. So corrupted had my taste buds become from all the crappy, death-filled “foods” (and I use the term “foods” loosely) that I had become accustomed to consuming, that the taste of a superfood nearly reduced me to a state resembling anaphylactic shock.

Hyperbole aside, it is the same with sin. So corrupted is our humanity that whatever is good, honest, just, or pure naturally repulses us, bores us, or frightens us. But anything that is horrible, gross, raunchy, or depraved arrests our attention immediately and elicits from us an almost primal urge to partake. You need look no further than any local media outlet to confirm this fact.

In the instance where sin – either that which we’ve committed, or which another has committed against us – has left us further damaged, we find it even more difficult to turn our attention away. Life in Christ promises and delivers freedom in its truest form. But even many believers decline the Lord’s invitation to experience complete freedom, and instead choose to exist in limited obedience. Sure, they’re saved and going to heaven one day, but on earth they eek out half-lives, bound by fear, plagued by worry, hobbled by doubt, and shamed by guilt over their past.

If believers in the One True God who came “to set the captives free,” can struggle against and often allow themselves to be oppressed by their past, how is the average person bereft of the Holy Spirit’s power likely to fare?* In the verse above, former Christian-killer, the apostle Paul, explains how he dealt with an unsavory past. He practiced forgetting and straining. Once we’ve come to faith, confessed our sins, poured out our grief over what we’ve done, or what has been done to us, repented, and/or extended forgiveness, we are to forget the past. It seems so simple, but yet so many of us (myself leading the way) fail to do exactly that. Instead we fixate on it, making it the singular point of reference in our lives.

Notice Paul’s action is continuous and consists of two steps: forgetting and straining. You may be familiar with the phrase “nature abhors a vacuum.” Wherever a vacuum is created, something rushes in to fill it. This is true in science; and it is certainly true in our spiritual lives. We guarantee spiritual and behavioral failure when we simply remove a poor habit. Paul encourages believers not only to continually get rid of the memories of the past by forgetting, but to replace them with God’s vision for the future. Surely each of us was saved for a reason. God has always had a plan from before the beginning. We are all part of it.

So what role do you play? What is the high call on your life? If you know, then I beg you, go after it with everything you’ve got, keeping your focus on the One who called you. Refuse to settle for a stinky, small half-life. If you have no clue what work God has set apart for you, then keep seeking it, while keeping your focus on the One who knows. Make God the center of your focus. Eat, sleep, and breathe His word. Allow your thoughts to be perpetually occupied by his thoughts. Bask in his presence. Luxuriate in his lavish love. Participate in your healing. A great exercise in what I call “God immersion” is the 60-60 experiment. A full explanation of this simple and profound way to connect or to reconnect with God can be found in the book, Soul Revolution, written by Pastor John Burke. You are precious to God. He knows you by name. He was there when your past happened. He waits for you in your victorious future. Most importantly, he is here with you in the present to help you to overcome. Won’t you allow him to pull you through?

I am free from both of the above phobias. That doesn’t mean that fear does not threaten from time to time. But the more victories I gain over it, the more confident I become. As of the date of this blog, the last time my husband flew out of town on business, I nearly forgot that he wasn’t at work here in town! So much, have I gotten into the habit of pressing into intense praise and worship when the fear of losing him strikes, that the fear stopped striking. As I actively resist the devil in this area, he flees. When large vehicles loom to my right, I have learned to pray for the driver. Taking my focus of myself and resettling it on God or the needs of others has garnered many a victory in my life. Now I, too, can say along with Paul,

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Be blessed, Family!

*Many people who do not have the Holy Spirit overcome their fears. It is my opinion, however, that the only permanent, positive change comes from the Holy Spirit alone. Not to mention that the un-empowered who accomplish even long-lasting change are the exception, not the rule.

After the Hurricane

Her eyes full of tears, her heart full of pain. A pain she has never felt before. She curls into a fetus position on the carpeted floor and cries until her tear ducks are completely dry. “Why me?” is all she can say and think to herself as she replays the best year and 5 months of her life. She was living the dream life she had longed for with someone for so long. Her dream suddenly was interrupted by the words, “I’m sorry. We can’t be together anymore.”

When she arrived home after a long day, the one thing that brought her happiness was her mans smile. The glow and happiness he expressed as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately always seemed to take the stresses of the day away. Today was different. He sat there watching a movie with a distant look on his face. She greeted him with a smile and he forced a grin in return. She sat beside him hoping for his warm embrace in which he didn’t provide. She knew something was wrong. She could see it in his eyes and it began to bother her. They have had their ups and downs but more ups than downs. They were in love, so what he was about to deliver, she was not ready for.

“What I’m doing is not fair to you. I’m sorry. We can’t be together anymore.”, is what he said. Everything he said after that was nothing more than mumbles as far as she could hear. At that very moment, the room grew silent. She began to feel a shortage of breath as the tears begin to stream down her face. Her heart began to feel the most unbearable pain as if someone called her to tell her a loved one has died. As far as she was concerned, she was dying inside. It was like an outer body experience, nothing she had ever come close to feel in her entire life. Their relationship began to flash through her mind as she tried to recollect what she did wrong. She couldn’t come up with anything. All she could see was the laughs, the passion and the bonding they shared between one another and each others families. Then she began to speak, not sure if her words made any sense. The pain grew from her heart to her throat. Speaking was no longer an option. Breathing was almost at that same peak. After his delivery, he stood to his feet and picked her up from where she sat to then try and embrace her. Her legs were so weak and she was in such disbelief that the last thing she wanted was to be held by the man who proclaimed to be in love with her but telling her goodbye at the same time. After allowing her back to where she sat, he left, but not without repeating he was sorry before the door shut.

After the hurricane, she picked herself up from the puddle of tears and put on some clothes. She decided she would still try to do everything she planned to do that day without skipping a beat. After putting on her sneakers, she grabbed her keys and headed out the door for a run. It was either that or to stay in her dark apartment and continue to cry. As she begin to run along side of the road, she couldn’t help but look at every car that passed, wondering and hoping he would be headed back her way to take it all back. After and hour of running and dozens of cars passing by, she realized he doesn’t have any intentions on coming back. She turned back towards her home and began to walk back. Her legs felt like they were going to fold under her. She grew weak and right where she stood, she collapsed to the concrete sidewalk and begin to cry. It took every bit of strength in her to get up and continue to walk. At that moment, she realized where her strength came from. She realized that it wasn’t by her own will that stood her to her feet but the strength of her Lord and Savior. He said that in her lowest time, he would carry her. He did just that.

As soon as she walked into her home and closed the door, she dropped to her hands and knees and prayed to God thanking Him for everything He has done, everything He is doing and everything He will continue to do in her life. He allowed her, for the first time in her life, to fall in love. That is what she decided to take from it all. The only thing she asked is that God get her through this pain called heartache and continue to give her the strength to get by each day. “Lord, you said you would never leave me nor forsake me. I need you now more than ever Lord. I can’t go through this pain alone. I’m giving it all to you Lord. I trust you Lord. In your word, you said what’s for me will be just for me God. I trust in your word Lord for you are my creator. My Lord and savior Jesus Christ and I know your love goes beyond any love any man could ever give.” She cried, cried and cried a little bit more.
The evening came and she was left in a quiet house with nothing to do but stare at the walls. She turned her phone off, prayed a little more, cleaned up a bit and watched a movie until she fell fast asleep.

Someone once said, its okay to be sad and depressed after a broken heart but to not stay in it too long. You have to move on with your life. If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go! At the end of the day, she knew that she still loved him and will continue to love him for a very long while. She even knew that if he asked to come back, she would take him back, but for right now, the reality is, he is gone and to think he was coming back would only keep her in this place of hurt. A ship that sails backwards will never see the sunset.
After the hurricane, she knew the only thing she could do was to pick up the pieces and move on. It will hurt for a very long while, but nonetheless, even during the hurricane, she is still blessed.

“I stayed in the sun too long but even the sun moves on.” -Bilal

Sleepless in Seattle

So, i have just returned from what i would consider, an amazing vacation in Seattle. It was my first trip out West and i wouldnt change one thing about it. From the fresh clear air, to the beautiful scenic views of green pastures, trees galore and mountains. Not to mention, the calmness of the town. I mean, no one was in a rush to get anywhere, unlike New York and DC. The people smile at you in passing, its colorful and and and....just FRESH! I swear, there is no pollution in the air over there. No humidity. Maybe i just went during a good time of year, but i'm going to chop it up as just being an amazing place to live.



Besides the great scenery, i was able to spend this great vacay with my love who is from there. i was so blessed to meet his entire family and childhood friends. We had such an amazing time. Like literally, lots of laughs, great food, discussions on various topics and partying. i understand moreso now why i have such an amazing man in my life. he has been surrounded by amazing people. there was so much love in one house. between his parents, his sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts and friends who are considered family. Everyone took me in as if i were a part of the family. I felt so welcomed. Spent time working in the yard getting my hands dirty, which i love and helping his mom prepare for her birthday party. and talk about food....i ate enough to gain all 10 lbs i lost before i got there. Lol! I'm talking about crab, shrimp, chicken and sausage gumbo, teriyaki joints, barbeque, and so much more. i'm getting hungry again thinking about it. yummmm!!!!

There is so much more i could say about this trip, but in a nutshell, Seattle was awesome and i look forward to going back real soon. really really soon. Sleep was not an option. I was like a baby fighting sleep because he/she doesnt want to miss a thing! I was that baby for the last 5 days. Lol! I'm paying for it now, but it was so worth it. Oh, and can we say NO HUMIDITY!!!!! A huge plus. Ahhhh....i can go on for days, but i will leave it at that for now. I may have to say peace out to the East Coast and heeellllloooooo West Coast. :-)


Smooches!

Whats not to love about you....

Currently my favorite song!!!!!

Great is His mercy...

Annointed is what i think when i hear them sing this song. I was so blessed to dance to it a few Sundays ago with my fellow Praise Dancers at my church Harvest Life Changers Church. It blessed me and blesses me everytime i hear it. I hope it blesses you too. His mercy and grace is so great!!!

A constant reminder...

... i must remain patient and wait on the Lord. I will not be discouraged or dismayed. I will trust in His promise. He said he will never leave me nor forsake me. His word and His promise has gotten me this far and I know He didnt bring me this far to leave me. This song sings to my heart and my soul.






Be blessed.

I have a mild addiction...

Okay, yes... i have a mild addiction to lip balm. I have tried it all. From Burts Bee's to pure shae butters; vaseline to just plain ole chapstick. But i have found the lip balms of all lip balms...Mwahhhhaaahaaa....

Aveda has this lip balm to die for. I kid you not, it stays on all day and my lips have never been happier. You can literally eat a full course meal, top it off with some kool aid and still have on a nice smooth layer of lip balm. I'm in love. Not just strong like, but in love! Ahhhh....

Okay, so in a second, you're probably going to go on the aveda website to see what i'm talking about, but don't lose your mind when you see the cost. I tell you now, it is worth every penny and will probably last for months on end (my disclaimer: i dont suggest you use it after expiring, no makeup for that matter).

Anyway, that's all for now. Enjoy....if you dare.

It's never too late...

OMG! Today is my first day of school!!! I am (clearing my throat) 31 years of age and i have decided to go back to school and finally finish my degree. It's been a long time coming and Lord knows, i have been ready to finish for so long. I'm not gonna lie though...i am super duper nervous. I mean, it's been 10 plus years since i've been in college. I dont want to be the old hag on campus and cross a sorority line with my line name as "Mama", but a sista has to do what she has to do. Either way, i'm excited and nervous all at once, so yall pray for me. Being a single mom definitely makes this a bit challenging, but kudos to my sweetie who encouraged me and motivated me to get back into the swing of things. So wish me luck everyone. It starts now and ends when i get my PhD.

"it's never too late to be who you might have been."

-George Eliot

A week of Wonders!

What a week this has been. Have you ever had one of those days where you just wake up in the morning and ask God, "What are your lessons for me this week Lord?!" Well, that's exactly what I did when I woke up Monday morning. For some strange reason, I already felt in my spirit that this would be an eventful week; Good or bad...i wasn't certain.

Monday was an okay day. My younger cousin LaTaura called me to tell me she was having a wedding and wanted me to be a bridesmaid in it. I was really happy for her. Never in a million years did i think my younger cousin would get married before me, but nonetheless, i was really happy for her and honored she would ask me to be a part of that special day. Not only me, but my daughter as well to be her junior bridesmaid. Taura and i grew up together and i love her very much. When our grandmother passed away a couple of years ago, she was the one most torn considering my grandmother raised her. She has been doing all she can to keep the family together and i am so proud of her for doing that.
Well, not to get too excited, Tuesday, things went down hill. Without getting into detail, at the end of the night, i was the saddest girl in the world, but i knew things would get better. The woes of a relationship,what can you say?!? Anyhoo, you can guess going to work on Wednesday was not my cup of tea, but i had to go and make my little bit of change. I was pretty bummed out for the most part of the day. It was raining pretty much all day. I guess it was a suppliment to my tears that i had run out of. This day, my co-workers and i had decided to go hiking but the rain canceled that trip. Instead, we decided to go to Chef Geoffs for a quick bite to eat and then off to Yoga at Equinox, which is this extremely upscale gym. You either have to be a model, a rich housewife or a top executive who has nothing else to do with his/her money to be a member of this gym. Thank God for my girl Winny who got me and my other co-worker Amanda in on a guest pass because my pockets are not that deep these days. Lol!

Moving on, we headed off to Chef Geoff's but realized it was still pretty early and opted to go to Loius Vuitton and the Gucci store first, just to browse around. We walk into the Gucci store and who do i see standing at the counter?!?!? STEVIE WONDER!!!! A legend standing only a few feet away from me. So of course you know i was super stoked. i even started to tear up. I mean, i have a tshirt that was made for me a few years ago with his face on it and titles of his songs that i love. I have been a fan of this man since i learned how to walk. After a few moments of "should i, should i, should i's", i finally asked his bodyguard/assistant if i could say hello and Stevie turned around and said hello. It was really him! Not only is he a great singer but he is an amazing person. He grabbed my hand and asked me my name. He said, "Ahhh....Purpose.", with a big smile. We had small talk and he even made me laugh.
Me: "Mr. Stevie Wonder. Would you mind if I take a picture with you?"
Stevie: "Yes, actually."
Me: "Okay. No problem. I totally understand."
Stevie: "You ready?" (with a giggle)
Me: "Really?! We can take a picture?"
Stevie: "Sure we can."

That totally made my day!!!! After taking a picture with Stevie Wonder, we continued chatting, including my two Co-workers Amanda and Winny. We all laughed and had a great time talking to him. Then his bodyguard/assistant Francis took a picture with all of use together.


Before we left, i told Stevie that he made my day and that i was having the worst day that i had had in a long time. He said, "Did you wake up this morning? Did you have all your senses? Did you have all your limbs?" I said yes to all of these things of course and he replied, "Then it's a great day! You are blessed." At that very moment, i realized that no matter what went on in my life, i really was blessed. I felt a little bit of saddness because here i was moping that whole day and expressing to a man who is blind that i was having a bad day when he is the one without sight. But yet, he was the one that reminded me that i was blessed.

As we prepared to leave, he said, "I would like to invite you all to be guest at my next show. Please give your contact info to Francis and we will be in touch." Okay, really?!?!? Could this get any better?!?! Well, it couldve if he bought the Gucci bag that i had been eyeing but I would gladly settle for a Stevie Wonder concert as his guest! LOL! I exchanged info with Francis and that was all he wrote. What a day!!!!

2 days later and it's Friday. Still on cloud 9 from meeting Stevie Wonder, I walk into work with not a care in the world. Just looking forward to starting my day. I had a great evening of Praise and Worship at choir rehearsal last night, lots of laughs with my sweetie afterwards (see why here...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk) and a good nights rest. Sometime before lunch, i ran into a gentleman that worked in the banking center of my job. I noticed his name tag red his last name Saddiquee which was pronounce "Sa-dee-kee". So happens, i have an old high school friend who's last name is Sadiki. I had been thinking about her for years, wondering how her life was. We had always been pretty close, but we lost touch in high school. I had missed her for a long time. I always knew she would do great things in her life. So at that moment, i decided to find her. I went to my desk and typed her name into the Google search engine, and low and behold, up pops her Facebook page. Gotta love social networking. Right away, i noticed she and i had a mutual friend named Jared. They both went on a group trip to Cost Rica the year prior. Wow! Small world. 6 degrees of seperation is so real. Right away, i reactivated my Facebook page just to friend her hoping she would get it really soon. And as i hoped, she did. We chatted for a couple of hours and i was so happy!!!! We're already planning a trip together. Correction, she's in the process of planning a trip to China next year and i will be meeting her there! I'm just in awe of how much she still looks the same. Still so vibrant, happy and beautiful as I remember. It's always a great thing to run into long lost friends.

So all of this to say, this has definitely been a week of Wonders! Wondering will my happy and loving relationship sustain all the elements around us, meeting the legendary Stevie Wonder and wondering when i will see my long lost friend again. All great wonders, some things to anticipate. Ahhh....never a dull moment in my life. Happy wonders folks!

A Summer Day in the Country

The smell of fresh mulch and the sound of the wind blowing from a fan takes me back to the hot smothering air of the country back in Madison, Florida. Sitting on the swollen wood floors from the humidity at my grandmother Pecola’s house, my brothers and I along with a few cousins would just sit there in front of the economy sized fan and take in as much cool air as possible before grandma ran us out of the house and back into the engulfing heat called summertime. There was no escaping it. Not even the local public pool that felt like an oversized Jacuzzi. We would sit on the porch and take turns in grandma’s old rugged wood rocking chair. When it was my turn, I would rock as hard but as smooth as possible with my eyes shut tight envisioning I was off the coast of a beautiful beach with an ice cold drink. When I opened my eyes, reality hit and I was still sitting on that old wooden porch that made creeks at every step. My ice cold water was that of a water hose out back that only spit out lukewarm water to quench my thirst.


“Pee Poppa, you better leave them girls alone. I’m not fighting for you anymore!” I screamed at the top of my lungs with fear I would actually have to fight for him. Pee Poppa was my cousin on my step mother’s side. Back then, I really didn’t know how he related to me and still don’t have a clue, but I would get beat as if he was my blood brother when I didn’t stick up for him. Everyday just about the same time, he would nag these twin girls that we named Pig Feet and Peppermint. You can almost guess why we named them that. One of the twins always ate pickled pig feet and the other always had a pocket full of peppermints that she sucked on all day.
“If you don’t help me, imma tell on you!” Pee Poppa said as he made his way across the dirt road to Pig Feet and Peppermints broke down massive white wood house. “Pee Poppa! Get back over here!” My step brother Delon yelled out at him. But of course, Pee Poppa was being his stubborn little self and made his way over there anyway.
In less than 60 seconds flat, Pee Poppa was running back across the dirt road with a burst of dust behind him as he cried out for my step mom Arenthia. No sooner then he went in the house to tell on me and my step brother Delon, Arenthia came out of the house making her way to the rose bush to get a whipping switch of her picking. She sent us to the room and made us strip down to nothing and wore us out for old and for new. She later realized that she had forgotten to pick the thorns off of the switch which left us with welts and a few blood drippings here and there. Me and my brother lay in the bed under the white sheets and cried as we observed our bruises. I had the worst of them. Of course she wouldn’t beat her own blood as bad as me, I thought as I lay there in a pool of tears. She had beaten me so on my right bicep in the same place that the thorns would catch hold of the open wound and rip it open more each time. It was the most pain I had ever experienced up to my ripe age of 8. My grandma came in to check on us when she arrived back home from fishing; she found us crying and consoling one another with blood showing through her white sheets. She was angry as ever and went on a rage looking for my step mom. When she found her, all hell was raised up and through there. It felt like the summertime heat had made its way in the house with a vengeance.
Later that night, my step mom didn’t show her face back to the house and my grandma sent Pee Poppa packing with her. Grandma Pecola took care of me and my step brother for the rest of the summer. Till this day, I still have that bruise on my right arm as a constant reminder of that God forsaken hot summer day in the country.

*clicking my heals* There's no place like Africa...

If someone asked me right now if i wanted to go to Hawaii or Zanzibar, Africa, i would choose Zanzibar in a heart beat. I've never been to Hawaii before, but i am convinced there is no other place in the world more beautiful than Zanzibar. I visited there back in October of 2009 for only 2 weeks. Some say that was a long time to be in Africa but i protest that it wasn't long enough. While i missed my daughter and my loved ones dearly, i was in paradise...in the motherland, which felt nothing shy of home to me. My people there were amazing. So welcoming, so generous, so humble.

I often mind travel back to Zanzibar. It amazes me of how much we seem to take for granted. I can't believe how spoiled i have been as an American all these years. I complain about the little things and when i go to this place stricken with poverty, they are so happy. They don't have a lot of the material things we cherish here, but what they do have is each other, love and God and they cherish that beyond anything. It was the most humbling, life altering and profound experience that i still find hard to put into words. I made friends there that is now considered to be family that i pray to stay in touch with for years to come. Not only did i have the opportunity to learn a great deal about the African Diaspora and the people of Tanzania and Zanzibar, i also learned the one language that i had been wanting to learn for years...Swahili. Now, i'm not in anyway a translator, but i keep the handy book in my handbag and try to keep it fresh in my memory.

In this beautiful serene place, i found solace and freedom. While going for a long walk on the white sand beach on the coast of the Atlantic Ocean, brushing my feet through the clear blue water picking up sea shells along the way, i found peace. people watching....noticing some of the natives in their beautiful bright traditional garments selling their beautiful creations of jewelry, clothing, shoes and handmade bags; some selling spices like cardamon and ginger from a local spice farm trying to make a living the best way they know how. I also came upon a native walking his pet monkey. I was in such amazement and shock, i couldnt help but stop and inquire. the little monkey was held by a leash but approached me slowly in search of food. He gently opened my hand and looked around it as if i was hiding food. he was adorable but i quickly came back to reality and realized i am too far from a hospital to get treated from a bite or scratch from this animal. I bid the native a farewell and headed back to my resort. Yes, i did stay at a resort but i did frequent the locals homes and communities for the entirety of the days i was there. When i arrived back to my suite, i realized it was only 7pm and the sun was soon to set. This night, i didnt want a crowd. Instead, i went straight to my overly large bathroom where an old fashioned tub sits above ground and behind it is a shower that is literally outside. There are walls high enough to where your neighbors cant see you shower, but directly above head is the clear blue sky. I stepped upon the smooth black stones and sat down on the teak wood bench before saying a quiet prayer. After my shower, i threw on my long japanese kimono, headed to my balcony and relaxed with a glass of mango juice in hand. God released a breeze that slightly exposed my naked freshly oiled body. it was refreshing and absolutely amazing to say the least. It was freedom!

I find myself traveling back to that place to have the same peace i felt when i was there. i find myself....

Losing my virginity...

So today is the day i lose my virginity. Now don't get all nasty on me....i'm talking about blogging. Yes, i have a journal and for the most part, keep up with it on a daily basis but i figure it's finally time to grow with technology and be free of my thoughts in cyberspace. Before i continue, you should know that writing is my art and like my fellow pisces erykah badu, i'm sensitive about my sh%t. Now that i got that out of the way, we can continue. my blogs will be random thoughts, feelings, about a stranger i saw in passing, fiction, non-fiction, personal and sometimes long and sweet or short and full of sorrow. i'm new at sharing my thoughts to the world, so bare with me as i unravel from a bud to a beautiful exotic flower...



sincerelyniah